Saturday, October 8, 2011

" learning how to be you"

Throughout my whole life I have hidden any and all feminine feelings. It has been tough to deny so many desires and emotions and I have no doubt that hiding these things, even from myself, was an extremly unhealthy waste of time.
Since embracing and accepting these feelings, I have found myself struggling with the opposite situation. I am now bothered by any masculine interests, hobbies or thoughts that have remained, even if these things are natural masculine hobbies or impulses that are just part of the "Real" me.
It seems that on my way to becoming a girl I have to realize that, just like every girl, I do have boy-ish opinions and thoughts.
I am coming to terms with these things, but it is actually harder to accept my "Guy" habits than to accept my formerly secret female qualities. Most likely because there is a drive within me to be female, and it vastly overshadows any male goals I have ever had.
Luckily, overcoming this obstacle on my journey to Girlish Bliss, is as easy as accepting that every girl (Genetic or Otherwise) has Male qualities and sometimes these qualities are the very things that can make a girl a little more unique.
In the end there really is no "Guy" stuff or "Girl" stuff, just "My" stuff.
No matter who you are, what gender you are, or what someone told you, EVERYONE has the right to like, love, want or desire anything.
It is not about gender. Being male or female is something else, something deeper.

Here is a girl with some masculine features in her clothing.
She looks a bit tough.
A "Punk", maybe?
But look beyond the rocker-chick image.
She is a girl and she clearly expresses it.
Her clothes aren't hastily thrown together.
This is an outfit she created.
From the fingerless gloves to the tip of those very high heels,
this pretty blonde, planned this outfit in front of her mirror.
She mixed and matched her clothes until she felt beautiful and sexy.
 She has a look, now.
A look that both expresses her femininity and masculinity.
She can hit the city for drinks with a date or friends,
but she can easily be hanging backstage with the boys.

Okay, what about this cute blonde?
Does she express her male qualities in her apearence?
Her messy waves of blonde hair?
(She secretly styled it that way for forty five minutes, until it was perfect.)
Her simple grab and go outfit?
 (Was her morning's big decision. It is well thought out to seem easy and effortless.)
And finally, those run down, old-man shoes?
(She is declaring That she is an individual, but still fashion concious.Those shoes are hip and she knows it.)

Girl's can use male accents in their clothing to display a part of their personality or interests. For example, a girl can wear a baseball jersey to show that she is a bit sporty and athletic. The way she adds this Item into her outfit can also say a lot about her. If she wears her jersey in the normal fashion she may be a bit more serious about her love of the game, but a girl who tailors her Jersey and makes it part of a Fashionable look might be less inclined to know the stats and be more into the fanfare.
A woman can also use Masculine influences to add a certain message to the people around her. Look at the 1980's obsession with shoulder pads, which added a look of male-power, especially to women's business wear. I personally hate shoulder pads, but once again, we can not look past the strong masculine shoulder mixed with a suit that is cut in a very feminine form. 
And of course, Male items or influences used strictly for fashion. Let's say a man's neck-tie "ties" together an otherwise lacking ensemble, then why would you not use it? When you add these masculine things and integrate them into an otherwise female outfit, you can bring character and life to the same old thing. The trick is to add splashes of male qualities to your outfit (if needed) so that your look goes from cute to fashion-foward.
Women don't need to wear four inch heels to feel feminine. They wear them because clothes are something to be played around with and fashion is certainly a fun and creative artform.
Style and fashion are always changing and evolving and it's so very fun to try and keep up. But remember, that following fashion trends means that you should incorporate designer Ideas to your own personal and unique style. What's popular this season in the fashion world should not the be all you wear. These seasonal, sometimes cyclical, and often inspiring trends are new pieces to a puzzle you have already started.
Girls were raised to be girls. You are new to being a girl, so relax and take a deep breath. If all the clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelery, hair, etc.., seems all too much, remember that Learning to be a girl and becoming the girl you are, should be fun and exciting, but it will take a long time. You are doing a lot more than designing a look or finding your style, you are freeing a repressed personality. It will take time, and most likely be a process you never truly can stop.

This pretty young girl, is in fact.....a boy,known as Gregory Gorgeous.
She hosts several, ongoing videos online all about the frightening task of making yourself
into the best possible Girl that you can be.
 As you can tell from her photo, she is talking from experience
and a place of knowledge about all the things
you want to know.

Gregory certainly inspires a bit of jealousy.
I am certainly a realist and I know that I can never be as pretty as her.
In fact, most of us Girls
will never,ever,
be as
Pretty or as"passable"
as Miss Gorgeous.......But,
That is not a reason to deny your inner female.
I actually find this girl's striking beauty to be an inspiration.
Why would I be upset at a fellow "Gurl" for being this good looking?
Like I said, I am jealous, but sue me, girls get jealous of eachother all the time.
In fact I'm sure there are Genetic Girls who would be jealous of Gregory.
But, Looking this good starts with being....well......Good-Looking.

Take a look at Gregory as a boy.
He gives off a bit of a Gay vibe,
but I'm almost certain he is trying for that.
Other than that, this boy is just Good-Looking.
He does seem to have very girl-ish features,
which no doubt aid his feminine appearence,
but, guess what?
There are a million straight guys who, with a bit of makeup,
some hair exstentions and the right clothes,
would make beautiful girls.
And just the same, there are some girls that could scruff up a bit,
wear a baseball cap
and be passable as manly men.
My point being that Gregory and other "Gurls" in the trans universe
who may benefit from a few extra physically female qualities,
use those qualities to the advantage of their appearence.
The photo above is of a boy doing the things he needs to do so that he can look his best.
Put it like this
If his body had the mind and soul of a Boy who was 100% Hetero,
then the picture would be of a manlier Gregory.
His hair might be uncombed, his clothes dirtier, complexion a bit rougher,
maybe he'd have a beard, and his body might even be more muscular,
But because Miss Gorgeous is who she is,
this photo is of a boy who goes to the salon, goes tanning, and who takes pride in his appearence,
which he has chosen to be a more feminine one.
As time passed Gregory most likely learned more and more ways
to improve his outward feminine appearence.
Allowing him to look the way he does today,
which if you ask me is the definition of Gorgeous.

So in conclusion, I, with the help of my lovely girlfiend of course, am learning what my best feminine qualities are.
I'm learning to use these natural traits as a starting point to begin changing my physical appearence.
I think the biggest and most costly mistake anyone in this situation can make,
is to rush into any form of plastic surgery. Especially if you are still young.
I'm 25 and although Hormones may not turn me into a five foot five, blonde, cheerleader,
I know that they will be one of my biggest allies during my journey. I just need to give
them time to shape my body. If it takes 2 or 3 or 6 years, it is still better than a quick fix that can leave you looking less like a female and more like a Michael Jackson impersonator. I'm not against Plastic Surgery, but only as a last resort.
I am also in the process of learning how to walk, talk, and express myself in
a female manner, with confidence and without being a mockery or spoof
of the girl I am.


  1. Very nice essay. What you say is so very true. I know that when I was growing up as a sissy there were some girls that not only were much more athletic and rugged than me, but more than the regular boys too.

    Now, the problem was I got abuse for being girlie, but they did not get abuse for being tomboys. That was not right that I was treated that way and we transgendered are treated that way in general.

  2. Thanks Stevie. Sadly double standards seem to apply much more to anyone with feminine tendencies. Being Trans is something that would be hard enough without the social persecution, but hopefully acceptance is not far off.