"Ranting&Raving"

I am slowly becoming a feminist. I don't mean I'm going to stop shaving my legs or start burning bras before I can even fill them, I'm saying that as I learn more about the girl I am inside, the more I get offended by what society says a girl is supposed to be.

When I started this blog I still hadn't developed who I was, let alone my interests, hobbies or what it means to be female. I posted pics of pop singers, big breasted bimbos and even reduced my loving relationship to nothing more than a shared interest in shoes. I became bored with trying to write captions and my boredom only grew as I began doing more important and more reality based things that reality based girls do. I stopped trying to help people jerk off and decided to talk honestly as if this blog were my diary.

My girlfriend is the one responsible for pointing out that what I was doing on here wasn't anything like me. She made it clear to me that I was not doing what I had set out to do. I wanted to chronicle my feelings and the changes I experienced on my new path towards becoming a woman and above all else accepting who I am.

It's almost fitting that the first few posts I have on here are either sexualized or, for lack of a better term, "Overly Girly". Those posts show where my mind was at the time and the way I thought I had to behave to present myself as a girl.

I admit that I have my soft spot for some of the Chart Topping Hits on the pop radio stations. I admit that I might drool over a cute pair of heels. And yes, I certainly have sex fantasies of being slutty, whorish, even forced into dirty possibly perverted acts, but these are and were always fantasies.

The truth is I am not the girliest girl or the glam fashion queen that I thought I was. Truth is I don't want to be that girl anymore because the girl I am becoming is deeper, smarter, funnier and she is a real person.

   I know it's a free country and I'm not saying that we need to ban mindless, sex driven, pop stars,
but take a look around at the message being sent and the people getting that message. Of course horny guys get the message and even some older ladies do out dated dances like "The Bump" when ever a Kesha or Katy Perry song plays at a wedding. I have heard that both of these girls are big in the gay scene and with 20 something girls who hit the clubs, but these aren't the main or biggest audiences. Kesha has a song called "Tik-Tok". It's a catchy song, it's ubeat and it's something even I liked when I first heard it. Then, I stopped turning up the radio when it played and began turning the station. I kept hearing it, it was everywhere. Recently I realized why it was so overplayed. The song wasn't just on the radio, it was on T.V. and in movies. It was popping up in every form of entertainment and it was entertainment for kids and teenagers. It blew my mind when,a Kesha song that is so clearly about drinking, partying and fighting a hangover to keep the party going was the theme music for the movie "Diary of a wimpy Kid". The kids in that movie are no older than 11 or 12.
I noticed a lot of this going on. Marketing sex, drug use, etc..., to kids is a big money maker. To kids, especially teenagers, rebellion is an all time best seller. And don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer in rebellion and my teenage years are one big blur of "Damn The Man", "Fight The Power" moments and mischief, but It was based on more. Rebelling was about politics, good v.s. evil, morality and the fear of seeing the world, for the first time, as it truly is....a confusing and scary place full of people just as confused and scared as yourself. Of course getting drunk or stoned was part of it and of course teenagers are a bit more naive, but it's part of growing up. I think it's so sad that the kids who rebel today tend to be devoid of any sort of message. I think it's sad that girls want to be slutty, drunks because it's cool.
I'm not saying all kids are like this and I'm not saying Kesha or Katy Perry are the cause. I am saying that marketing a movie for kids, or marketing this type of image to kids in any way, is sickening.

I'm a Lady GaGa fan and proud of it. Sure, she sells sex, but it's sexual freedom....liberation. She also proved she has a voice, song writing talent and she uses these things as a platform to speak her mind. That's an artist, not someone who can loop a beat on garage band and then sing lyrics that have no soul or meaning over and over again.

"Proud Pop Princess"



The 1980s was an era of flamboyance and fame. Giving birth to the Music Video, myself and Pop music as I know it, the 80s was my androgynous awakening. The start of my descent into sadness over my sexual confusion and repressed feminine self. Continuing throughout the 1990's, I grew increasingly depressed as I was raised as a boy, forced to spend my time on boy hobbies and assured that any deviation would be met with severe teasing to a degree that could crush my spirit and last for the rest of my life.

I was a child of no more than 6 or 7 years old and I was already learning of life's cruelty. I would remain miserable for two full decades, until I realized what comes to mind when I think of my past 26 years. Family, of course is a happy thought and friends as well, but when I really smile is when I think of the iconic women and girls that somehow touched my young male life and how often I spent admiring them in secret.

My only true regret in life is realizing I should have embraced my love of The wonderful world of Girls and there ever lasting imprint in Pop Culture.

This is my tribute to some, not all, of the women who reached out past the T.V., the silver screen and of course the speakers on my radio.

She inspired it all.

The Goddess and role model

For every Pop Princess.

She was a virgin.

A slut.

A gay icon.

Look at her eyes.

That sexy stare.

A stare that whispered "SEX" to men,

 "SLUT" to middle aged women,

And It screamed "INSPIRATION",

to so many young girls

as well as this

young 

boy.

This was the girl the 90's loved.

At least all "my" guy friends in the 90s.

Before There was Harajuku.

There was

"I'm Just a Girl"

It was strange to see the guys.

desperately staring at her photos.

Looking to see her tits.

I stared as well,

but

I saw jewelery. 

I saw hair.

I saw lips

plump

and

perfectly painted.

I adored her,

admired her and

Each Night

as I put on that,

Fun,

Furiously Female,

#1-Hit

I felt so lucky

to be just a Girl.

But I wasn't a girl.

School made that very clear.

The clothes and shoes

that the girl's were so excited to own

Became more and more extravagant

as each year passed.

They started getting boobs

I started getting hair and pimples.

unfair

undeniable

I wanted to be like them

but I wasn't

The girl in me was a grainy image.

A blur behind a false face

and a forced smile.

Then SHE came along.

Her videos.

The school girl outfit.

She was a bimbo.

Dumb, blonde, sexy

She was

Britney.

She turned me on.

Aroused me

in a way that I never thought possible.

The desire to be her

was amazing.

To be

Cute,

Bubbly,

Famous!

A Proud Pop Princess.

                                                                  

The girls of the late 90's

were Goddesses to me.

Amazing and fierce.

Dominant over all the male Icons

that I pretended to like.

I began looking at girl's

with sexual envy.

Wanting to be them,

wear their clothes,

Talk,

walk,

act,

laugh,

smile,

like a girl

Years passed

I spent my time pretending.

I wanted to be all sorts of girls.

Tall, Skinny, Short, Heavy.

Each type, personality, style

and mindset

I wanted to be a funny girl

A pretty girl

A slutty girl

I saw all these new teen starlets

emerge and do what I had wanted to do.

Become famous

popular

pretty

Then, a new Queen saved me

I was GaGa.

She showed me who I could be.

I could be different.

And it was all ok because, baby....I was born this way.

Even if I was just
one of the boys
I could
fight back,
love myself
and
Finally be a proud and pop princess.