Monday, October 24, 2011

"Don't be a fetish, Be yourself"

We all desire to be her
The girl with the perfect hair,
perfect face, breasts, butt, tummy,legs.
Dressed pretty in our high heels every day, but
that isn't being a girl.
We all assume that we should be weak,
helpless, useless beyond the task
of caring for our man or master.
I was at that point. completely sexualizing my emotional need to be female
and I came out on the other side of the whole sissy thing
with a desire to be a strong independent woman.
A real person, beyond what turns me on.

My fantasy when I was young was that a group of pretty girls
would transform me, but the fantasy quickly went from being forced into femininity
and became a new fantasy where I pleaded with them to help me,
to change me,
to save me from the hell I lived in.
But I still only had a sexual outlet.
My emotions were kept in the center of my chest,
in the depths of my stomach and
in the subconcious of my mind.

Of course I had become depressed.
Of course I contemplated suicide,
but would I be a girl in Heaven?
Was there a Heaven?
Was there a God somewhere who heard my prayers as a child,
but remained helpless to save me?
I was in hell,
So I was sure there was a heaven.
It turns out that I had to gain the courage to face my feelings
and face myself to finally find comfort and freedom.
I still feel the pressures of the hell I lived for so long,
but now I can see the Heavens and I am on the path to reach them.
No matter how dark and scary it all seems.

I have no issues with the Sissy fetish, but to be transgender or transsexual I think it goes beyond sex. We can't really want to be owned or abused forever and I think that if you want that lifestyle you have issues deep down that you haven't dealt with. I hated myself when sexuality and perversions ruled my life. If you want to be a sissy in a sexual situation then by all means do what you will as long as you and another consenting adult agree, but please don't make it a sure fire part of transsexualism. We have to start thinking beyond sex so that the world sees us as something more than a fetish, especially the kids who deal with gender issues who look online and only find sex and fetish related sites, when trying to find acceptance and a normal world in which they can discover their true gender. I want to be a hero to those kids and a role model. I am transitioning in a time where Transsexuals are more accepted than ever, but we still have a long way to go. There is a burden left upon me and all other Transgendered individuals to fight for what is right and to gain our place in the world so that those that come after us simply have a place to go and to become who they are inside. Sex is something amazing and beautiful, no matter what gets you turned on, but it is not what defines us as people or as a group.

1 comment:

  1. I did the same thing. And now I can't stop. This is the first thing I've read on this blog, but i love it. Thanks so much for posting.