Friday, October 28, 2011

"I Sincerely Apologize"

A picture is certainly worth a thousand words and this picture uses those words to speak on behalf of the strength of women.
It reminds us that, in the darkest of times, women have fought, sacrificed and done their part.
The so called "weaker sex" can roll up their sleeves and do what it takes to survive.
This picture also reminds us that strength does not erase one's femininity.
This hard working woman, who is rolling up her sleeves and showing her strength,
is also still a woman.
Her lips are red, her brows are tweezed, she still shows herself to be a woman.
Her makeup maybe a superficial aspect, but once again I must remind you of the thousand words a picture seems to speak.
Weakness was not an option, but just because a woman may have to fight or perform the tasks that are thought to be associated with man's work, it does not mean they are no longer a woman or feminine.
They roll up their sleeves and show the strength that lives within every woman and every transsexual woman.

Some girls find no interest in being a rough and tumble hero of the old west.
and that is fine. No one should be forced to be anything they don't want to be, but sadly, in this world, sometimes you are not given that choice.
But, if the world forces you to be something you are not, you have two options.
You can accept what the world wants you to be or you can fight back, and I'm happily noticing that, even though I may not want to fight every day, and push my strength and courage to new limits, the struggle is better than the force of third party opinions and actions.

These days women are not the damsel in distress princess types they were once considered.
Even in the once male dominated world of comic books, female super heros have become richly developed characters. They don't need protection from the forces of evil, they don't wait around for a man to come save them.
They stand and fight.
They defend themselves and others without ever backing down.
But not just in fantasy, do female creatures have this strength.
Mother's have found it in themselves to lift cars off their children, female animals defend their young to the death if they must.
Women face the pain of child birth if they so choose and it is a pain that few men will ever come close to understanding.

Women work in the business world and are still forced to make a smaller wage. Face sexual harrassment and sexual discrimination. Women have been more victimized and degraded more than any other minority group in the world.
Imagine trying to pay someone less money based upon their skin color, their religion, their sexual appeal.
Women still continue to fight for their rights and have still come so far in this world, only to have to fight harder as television and pop culture and magazines and movies tell them they are only sex objects and as sex objects they have no value unless they are as pretty as a photoshopped picture that is a flawless mockery of a female.
I started this blog with the idea that I was transsexual because I liked pop music and girly stuff and pink soft things, but that's not why I am transsexual. My hobbies do not define me, my sexuality does not define me. Only my actions and my beliefs define me. I am a woman and always have been and will be, but I regret that my confusion was an idolization of what real women strive to fight against. In some ways it was an insult. and I'm so very sorry to all women whether genetic females or transsexual women who are considered freaks and perverts because they are piled in with a completely non-related sexual aspect.

I love girly things, like fairies and I adore pink and absolutely love fashion and my ultimate vice is my love of shoes. I am not ashamed or apologetic for these things. I will never be apologetic for the things I like or love in this world, but they are not everything that I am. They are not all there is to me and the person I am inside. These things are specks in a vast universe that is the person I am. I also love Westerns and the Rolling Stones and so many things that are much more considered male, I have interests that have no gender label attached to them. I am woman because I am, I just know it. I feel it in my soul and in my heart. My brain has always thought a woman's thoughts. I don't know why I feel this,
 I just do.

I am not against any sexual fetish that happens between consenting adults, as long as it is safe. I don't think people should mutilate themselves for sexual pleasure, but your body is your body and I hope that you will respect it's limits. I am not trying to demonize anyone for any sexual reasons, I certainly have my own kinks and fetishes, but please know that sex is sex. You must not be ruled by that one aspect of yourself. I did allow myself to desire a purely sexual lifestyle and I now see that it was due to my self loathing and depression. Life is now so much better. My girlfriend showed me that. When we first met I was a purely sexualized shell of a person, I wanted her as a Goddess who would use me as her sissy slave, but I look back and realize that's not what I wanted. I just wanted to be a girl so badly that I'd have given anything to be one, even if it meant losing my freedom and even losing who I was forever. Luckily she forced me to confront myself and to find the courage to admit what I really wanted and needed. I now have come into my own as a female on the inside. I still have work to do, but I go about my more female hobbies, like clothes and shoes, etc....
without the sex and arousal involved at every turn and I'm alive again. I see my beauty and I see the beauty and love within her. I feel for her, love her and want to know how she feels, soothe her if she is sad and join her when she laughs. I am no longer a self loathing, self centered shell, I am a confident, happy, unique person and a proud woman. I haven't come out and though I am still doing the work I need to do on myself inside and emotionally I have officially broken through the wall of denial that had so often stopped me and beaten me down. There was no courage or strength in the man I was because he didn't exsist. My courage comes from the girl I was and the woman I have become. I urge all women to love themselves and believe in themselves and I urge any transgendered person to let go of the facade and embrace the person you are, because only then will you see that life is so much easier as yourself, as the real you. I always read stories where transitioned transsexuals had one regret and it was that they had not made the change sooner. I wish I had listened, because they were right. The only thing wrong with you when you are in the closet is the closet itself. Being transsexual is a cakewalk compared to being a lie.

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