Saturday, August 27, 2011

"Proud Pop Princess"

The 1980s was an era of flamboyance and fame. Giving birth to the Music Video, myself and Pop music as I know it, the 80s was my androgynous awakening. The start of my descent into sadness over my sexual confusion and repressed feminine self. Continuing throughout the 1990's, I grew increasingly depressed as I was raised as a boy, forced to spend my time on boy hobbies and assured that any deviation would be met with severe teasing to a degree that could crush my spirit and last for the rest of my life.
I was a child of no more than 6 or 7 years old and I was already learning of life's cruelty. I would remain miserable for two full decades, until I realized what comes to mind when I think of my past 26 years. Family, of course is a happy thought and friends as well, but when I really smile is when I think of the iconic women and girls that somehow touched my young male life and how often I spent admiring them in secret.
My only true regret in life is realizing I should have embraced my love of The wonderful world of Girls and there ever lasting imprint in Pop Culture.
This is my tribute to some, not all, of the women who reached out past the T.V., the silver screen and of course the speakers on my radio.

She inspired it all.
The Goddess and role model
For every Pop Princess.
She was a virgin.
A slut.
A gay icon.
Look at her eyes.
That sexy stare.
A stare that whispered "SEX" to men,
 "SLUT" to middle aged women,
And It screamed "INSPIRATION",
to so many young girls
as well as this

This was the girl the 90's loved.
At least all "my" guy friends in the 90s.
Before There was Harajuku.
There was
"I'm Just a Girl"
It was strange to see the guys.
desperately staring at her photos.
Looking to see her tits.
I stared as well,
I saw jewelery. 
I saw hair.
I saw lips
perfectly painted.
I adored her,
admired her and
Each Night
as I put on that,
Furiously Female,
I felt so lucky
to be just a Girl.

But I wasn't a girl.
School made that very clear.
The clothes and shoes
that the girl's were so excited to own
Became more and more extravagant
as each year passed.
They started getting boobs
I started getting hair and pimples.
I wanted to be like them
but I wasn't
The girl in me was a grainy image.
A blur behind a false face
and a forced smile.
Then SHE came along.
Her videos.
The school girl outfit.
She was a bimbo.
Dumb, blonde, sexy
She was
She turned me on.
Aroused me
in a way that I never thought possible.
The desire to be her
was amazing.
To be
A Proud Pop Princess.

The girls of the late 90's
were Goddesses to me.
Amazing and fierce.
Dominant over all the male Icons
that I pretended to like.
I began looking at girl's
with sexual envy.
Wanting to be them,
wear their clothes,
like a girl

Years passed
I spent my time pretending.
I wanted to be all sorts of girls.
Tall, Skinny, Short, Heavy.
Each type, personality, style
and mindset
I wanted to be a funny girl

A pretty girl

A slutty girl

I saw all these new teen starlets
emerge and do what I had wanted to do.
Become famous

Then, a new Queen saved me
I was GaGa.
She showed me who I could be.

I could be different.

And it was all ok because, baby....I was born this way.
Even if I was just
one of the boys
I could
fight back,
love myself
Finally be a proud and pop princess.